How Can We Stop Disagreements from Ruining Our Day?

Sometimes incidents occur at home that lead to disagreements with someone we live with. After that, the entire day gets affected and passes badly. Even if a disagreement happens, the impact it leaves on the mind becomes evident later: the tasks one wanted to complete remain unfinished and whatever work one did was not of good quality.

So how can we ensure that even if a disagreement happens, it does not affect our mind?

It is important to know that when a disagreement happens, always ask yourself: is the other person— the one with whom the disagreement occurred— equally disturbed as you are? If the answer is no, or if the answer is “yes, but only slightly,” then understand this clearly: the disagreement itself is not disturbing your mind.

If an incident directly affected the mind, then both people involved would be equally disturbed, because the event was the same for both. The reason you are more disturbed is not the event itself. It is because that event is being replayed in your mind again and again.

Let me ask you a question. If I tell you a joke right now, and then repeat the same joke a thousand times, will you laugh a thousand times with the same intensity as the first time? The obvious answer is no.

So if you do not laugh repeatedly at the same joke, how can repeatedly replaying a disagreement make you feel miserable? What helps you to get out of this is after the incident happens, instead of focusing on it, shift your focus completely to something you are genuinely good at.

For example, if you are good at singing and understand music well, then immediately after the incident, instead of replaying the incident, start your regular music practice. Spend the next ninety minutes immersed in it. You will notice that the incident no longer affects your mind. The impact does not come because the incident happened. It comes because of the mental movie that keeps running— what was said, why it was said, what they might be thinking about me. This continuous replay reduces productivity and ruins the day. Instead when you stay deeply focused on such meaningful work, the incident loses its power over your mind.